Saturday, 25 December 2010

there were none

I've decided this long ago,
that I will take you the way you are,
that every flaw is a friction of perfectness,
that every dark will comfort us,
if we have each other.

then you said you were happy
and I took nothing, not once, for granted
every meals, every movies, every songs
one by one went by
and I thought I was happy

when did I lose your hand I've never noticed
but when I sat all alone, my thought wandered
I didn't want you anymore, not like this.
You're unperfect, that's okay by me
but you made me a stranger to myself, that I couldn't take

I guess the magic has lost.
or that was just how life goes by.
I had a lot for you once

now, there were none.

Thursday, 23 December 2010

blaring thunder

it was a perfect sunshine this morning
a bit too hot but that's okay I guess.
I was planning to visit you today
I know things were not always smooth between us
but these are moments when I just feel glad
that you are still and always will be here

I thought it was easy and I thought
things that meant for us
we never have to fight for it
I thought those that were unspoken
are clearly heard
and I thought I can be strong
for whatever comes

but the thunder was so loud
and what I thought I could handle
were falling one by one
If you don't need me then leave me alone
but how come we don't need each other, I thought.
and I refuse to accept that you are the right one

you know, I had enough.
do whatever you feel right for you
and I'm pretty sure all the right things will be falling on your lap
but maybe, I'm not one of those.

Sunday, 19 December 2010

not you

maybe you'll find it weird
that I choose not to see you today
maybe you think I'm ignorant
for ignoring you today, especially today as it matter so much to you
maybe you're right.

as today when I sit here all by myself
earphone on
rain drops
I see not you
But only probability, possibility, chance and a potential
of me and some peace of mind.
as much as I care about you
I just don't care that much tonight.

I'm going home.

Monday, 13 December 2010

secret code

I read you,
word by word, letter by letter.
your shape, your smell, the flicker in your eyes.
sometimes you are a soft colored pastel sky
sometimes you are indigo dark evening sky

you listen to me,
notes by notes, song by song.
my sound, my silence, the flicker in my eyes.
sometimes I'm a swing on the piano keys
sometimes I'm the deep voice in the blues

You hate me like I hate you,
You need me like I need you,
You are there and not there,
I'm waiting and I'm leaving.
It's not complicated at all.

Once you can read the code.

Sunday, 12 December 2010

a thousand shades of grey

if you ask me right now,
what I want the most,
it's not a hand to hold me,
or a kiss to soothe me,
or a hug to calm me,
or just a text saying i love you.
if you ask me, what i want right now
I want to be alone in crowded market,
I want to watch people from such heights they looked like ants.
I want to see the moon, so full it feels like a luminated saucer,
I want to travel, from city to city by train, next to a stranger, that reads poirot's adventure
then we talk, about the detective and nothing serious but a casual mild talk,
I want to take picture of my breakfast crumble, a half bitten croissant and spilled coffee on the linoleum.
the morning sun falls right onto the black coffee mug, it looks like a good morning.
I want to hear john mayer singing about man with half of his heart to love, only his voice i hear,
while I try to grasp every idea, every lyrics, to connect it with my situation.
so later i can say, 'hey this is my song, I heard it over and over when i was..'
I want to try my new heels, want to feel that all the problems in the world,
can be eased by the right shoes and the right purse.
I want to feel attracted, to a man with a good sense of humour and good sense of literature
so we will spend hours talking and laughing and debating and laughing some more,
I want to feel the wind, brushing my hair, while I see all the wild gease flying south,
I ordered a rainbow, seven colours, big, on the afternoon sky.
I want colours,
I want it in the water, the air, the sky, the television, the music, the books, in somebody's eyes,

but all I get

                  is a thousand shades of gray.

picture taken on a plane, up in the september sky.

kinda nice

it’s frustrating how you always said yes when you suppose to say no
and it’s intriguing how you can say no when I need a ‘yes’
how irritating that you keep your secrets so good
and how amazing that you can open up to me like you know me since forever,
it’s a desperate act when I said don’t go
but it’s the sweetest things when you said stay
you know how reckless I am when you are around
and how I analyze everything when you’re not around
It’s amazing how easy my mother likes you
cause the truth is you are unbelievably dangerous for me
it’s very quizzical that you can be so childish
and be very dependable when I need you to be
I know it’s inexplicable how we laugh like a best friend
but kiss like it’s criminal
Totally understandable that this is not a relationship worth fighting
but it’s totally unlogic how we keep this thing on and on and not get weary
It’s disturbing how you always moving so fast
but I feel content when you rest your head in my shoulder
it’s up and down
electrifying and serene
charged and drained
but anyway,
it’s kinda nice.


It was a cold december night
The leaves gleaming from the raindrop
The coffee gets cold too soon
It’s a five minutes and twenty second song
About senses that have been stripped
And you already see me naked
Without touching any single hair
It’s a secret and it was there a long time
December gave his seat to January
And January gave his to February
And March now sitting calmly
You’re there and not there
Between the wichita line man
And lady of fire
And we try to find meaning
Just to find out some things are best undesribed
I miss you and not miss you
We don’t own each other
But we have each other.