a thousand shades of grey

if you ask me right now,
what I want the most,
it's not a hand to hold me,
or a kiss to soothe me,
or a hug to calm me,
or just a text saying i love you.
.
if you ask me, what i want right now
I want to be alone in crowded market,
I want to watch people from such heights they looked like ants.
I want to see the moon, so full it feels like a luminated saucer,
I want to travel, from city to city by train, next to a stranger, that reads poirot's adventure
then we talk, about the detective and nothing serious but a casual mild talk,
I want to take picture of my breakfast crumble, a half bitten croissant and spilled coffee on the linoleum.
the morning sun falls right onto the black coffee mug, it looks like a good morning.
I want to hear john mayer singing about man with half of his heart to love, only his voice i hear,
while I try to grasp every idea, every lyrics, to connect it with my situation.
so later i can say, 'hey this is my song, I heard it over and over when i was..'
I want to try my new heels, want to feel that all the problems in the world,
can be eased by the right shoes and the right purse.
I want to feel attracted, to a man with a good sense of humour and good sense of literature
so we will spend hours talking and laughing and debating and laughing some more,
I want to feel the wind, brushing my hair, while I see all the wild gease flying south,
I ordered a rainbow, seven colours, big, on the afternoon sky.
I want colours,
I want it in the water, the air, the sky, the television, the music, the books, in somebody's eyes,


but all I get


                  is a thousand shades of gray.

picture taken on a plane, up in the september sky.